Children's lie: why a child lies and how to teach him to tell the truthApril 24, 2017
Many parents periodically catch their children on what they say is untrue. Kids tend to come up with different stories, embellish facts and fantasize. If you do not react to it, the child will continue to lie at an older age and grow up as a pathological liar. How to disaccustom the child to lie? Use the advice of psychologists - they will help you establish a trusting relationship with your son or daughter and make sure that the child always told you the truth.
Is a child's lie a norm or a pathology?
According to a number of psychologists, the inclination to graft is the normal stage of a child's development. All that the baby sees, hears and feels in the first years of life, is new and incomprehensible to him. The child has to process a lot of information, learn to use it every day.
For an adult it's obvious where the fact is, but where is the fiction, but the kid only needs to understand this. His logical thinking is at the stage of formation. Therefore, the crumb sincerely believes in Santa Claus, babe and fairy tales, which his parents tell him. If the child can not understand or explain something, he connects the imagination. At certain moments, reality and fantasy are mixed with each other. As a result, parents catch the kid on lies, although the child himself is sincerely sure that he is telling the truth.
It's another matter if children consciously begin to vaccinate. Usually this happens if adults forbid something to the child. The kid in this case begins to reflect on how to achieve the desired, and the most obvious way is to cheat. The children's logic is like this: "If you can not do this, it will be possible if I say otherwise." Therefore, babies begin to lie consciously and manipulate adults. Parents are important in time to take action, otherwise innocent children's deception will become a habit to always achieve what you want with the help of lies.
The Causes of Childhood Lies
Often kids tell a lie, because they take their fantasies for reality. However, children's lies can be quite conscious. Various reasons lead to it, including:
- The desire to receive what parents forbid;
- The lack of attention on the part of the parents or the desire to appear better than it is in fact;
- Fear of punishment for misconduct;
- Dissatisfaction with living conditions;
- Discrepancy between parents' expectations;
- Pathological lie.
The desire to get what parents are forbidding
Example: the child has already eaten sweets, but wants more. He tells my mother that my father allowed me to take sweets (although he has not yet come home from work). "I did not know how long it was here and was late home" ... etc.
The solution to the problem: stop banning everything. Kids begin to lie if they constantly hear the word "impossible", because it provokes a protest. Therefore, they try to use lies to defend their interests. Revise the prohibitions, reduce their number and leave only those that directly affect the child's health, safety, educational factors, the regime, the tradition of nutrition. Only if you give the child more independence, he can learn to be responsible for their actions. It is not superfluous to tell the child that you can get what you want with more than just deception. Tell him that the same toy is simple enough to ask, explaining why it is so needed. In addition, the child must understand that it is important to behave well - then adults will encourage him for obedience.
Lack of attention from the parents or the desire to appear better than it is in fact
Example: a child began to talk seriously about his super abilities - incredible strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance - although for an adult it is obvious that the child is trying to give out wishful thinking.
The solution to the problem: how to treat the parents? As a lie or as a fantasy? If the baby is lying and trying to give out what is wanted for reality, this is an alarm. He points out that the child is looking for ways to interest loved ones, and, therefore, he lacks warmth, affection, attention and support from his parents. Let the baby feel his love. Give your child more attention and develop the abilities of your child. Explain that everyone has their own talents. Someone skates well, someone sings or dances superbly, and someone knows everything about the Egyptian pyramids or space. So we need to develop and show our real abilities, and then no one will consider a liar or a braggart. Read together with him books and children's encyclopedias, walk, talk. Take the child to a circle or sports section. So he will develop his real abilities, become more confident in himself and be able to boast of real achievements.
Fear of punishment for misconduct
Example: a child broke a vase and tries to shift the blame to a cat or younger brother so that they do not scold him, do not deprive him of something good or, worse, do not hack him.
Solve the problem: be more relaxed in dealing with the baby, punish him only for serious offenses, but not too severely. If a child is shouted for the smallest fault, scared of whipping, constantly depriving him of sweets and watching TV, he begins to fear his own parents. Too often and severely punishing a child, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. Make decisions on the fact: if the baby broke the cup - let him take it away, if he offended someone - let him apologize, if he broke the toy - let him try to fix it, get a deuce - you need to work out and fix it. Such conditions are justified. They do not offend the dignity of the little man, so the need for lies disappears by itself.
Dissatisfaction with living conditions
Example: a child began to invent incredible stories about his parents, that his parents are very rich, constantly giving him toys, driving to the sea, to distant countries, that the pope is often shown on TV. These dreams of a better existence speak of the child's dissatisfaction with his social status. Such things a child can understand already in 3-4 years, and at 5 years old he will already be good at navigating in who is rich and who is poor.
Solving the problem: try at least sometimes to fulfill the child's desires and fight with childish greed. Already at the age of 3-4 years, children begin to realize that people differ in social status, and by the age of 5 a clear understanding of wealth and poverty comes. In kindergarten there is always a child, who was given more gifts for his birthday, which he spent more interesting with his parents. This causes jealousy, and the kid begins to voice his dreams, betraying them for reality.
If a child is lying because he considers himself to be worse than other children because of his lower social status, look for an opportunity to give him at least some of what he dreams about. Maybe not just "that way," but that the child does a little of his own efforts . With regard to "greedy" preschool children, who are eager to get all the toys on the ground, explain that it is unrealistic, but you can get good gifts from time to time.
Non-compliance with parents expectations
Example: a girl likes to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; The boy wants to enroll in a radio circle, and his father sees him as a talented translator. While parents are absent at home, they paint and construct, and then they deceive that they have worked hard at music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom parents want to see an excellent student, talks about teachers' biases, justifying their low level of success.
The solution to the problem: unfortunately, it happens that parents' expectations are a heavy burden for children. Often adults want children to do what they can not. Think about whether your expectations are inconsistent with the child's interests and interests? It is not fair to force him to show abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your not fulfilled childhood dreams), "for you as a child." For example, my mother could not become an interpreter, and now she forces her son to learn a foreign language. These expectations may not correspond to the interests of the baby. Parents should listen to the desires of children. Not wanting to upset a loved one, the child will start lying and twisting, but still will not achieve success in the unloved occupation. Better let your child go his own way - then there will be less deception in your family.
Example: a child constantly uses lies for selfish purposes - he is lying that he has done his homework, that he is allowed to go for a walk, puts the blame on another, to avoid punishment, etc.
Solving the problem: the help of a specialist is required. Pathological lies - quite a rare phenomenon in childhood. If a child cheats constantly, tries to manipulate others, then it should be shown to the psychologist. It will help you choose the solution for your particular case.
The first lie parents can hear from their 3-4 year old children. By the age of 6, the child is already giving a record of his actions and understands that he is lying. However, in general, it is difficult to understand whether the kid lies consciously or really believes in what he has invented.
How to explain to the child that lying is bad?
Children's lies are a problem that needs to be addressed. If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for the benefit of himself, first of all, it is necessary to analyze the child's behavior, speak frankly with him and try to understand what is the cause of dishonesty. After all, children usually do not lie just like that, they are always pushed by certain circumstances. When you figure them out, you can find a way to stop childish lies.
Use the following tips to tell the child that deceiving other people is not good:
Talk to your child more often, discuss topics of good and evil. Examples include situations from movies, cartoons, and fairy tales. The child must understand that happiness, success and luck are accompanied by positive heroes, and good always overcomes evil.
Prove the inadmissibility of a lie by example. If the dad, while at home, asks mom to answer the call and say that he is not, the child is formed loyal to the lies. Do not allow such situations, require honesty from the household.
Tell the child that there is a "polite lie" that involves a tactful attitude towards people in order not to offend them (for example, when they did not like the birthday present).
Recommendations of psychologists on the upbringing of an honest child
Psychologists give parents a number of useful recommendations that help cope with childhood lies:
Distinguish fantasies from deception. Remember that preschoolers often blur the line between fiction and reality. If the baby is too imaginative, maybe he just has nothing to do - diversify the child's leisure.
Do not punish for cheating. Your cries, resentments and scandals will only prompt the child that the lie should be hidden more strongly and, as a consequence, lead to the fact that the child does not stop lying, but only begins to hide his lies better.
In order to avoid the need for lies, the child should be sure that close people:
Trust him and each other;
They will never deceive him;
Stand on his side in a contentious situation;
Do not scold or be rejected;
Support in any difficult situations and give good advice;
If punished, then it is fair.
It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time. Do you want the child to be honest? Make the truth a cult in your family. Praise the child for being honest.